


Placing Bets

by ReginaNocis



Series: Betting [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Emails, F/F, Hawkeye betting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-30
Updated: 2014-04-30
Packaged: 2018-01-21 10:36:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1547588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReginaNocis/pseuds/ReginaNocis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jarvis records everyone's emails, and Clint is nosy and reads them all. </p>
<p>AKA: Tony is insecure, Clint & Natasha make bets that he knows he can't win, and Coulson is just over it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Placing Bets

Coulson,  
I'm too sick to come in for paperwork today. Nat totally agreed to do it for me, even if she denies it when she gets there.   
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
You realize that by sending that email you're doing some form of paperwork? Also, volunteering Agent Romanov seems like a bad move for your health, don't you think?  
Phil  
   
   
Coulson,  
Nah, Nat won't hurt me. Plus, paperwork is the stuff I don't like to do. Writing these little notes to you are fun, and therefore not paperwork.  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
I'm going to make you do  extra tomorrow.  
Phil  
   
   
Coulson,  
Aw, c'mon! You have to admit that this was smart! You should admire my bravery and let me off the hook!  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
Nice try, but no.   
Phil  
   
   
~~  
   
Tony,  
Leaving the electricity on in the lab to surprise me when I'm working isn't going to make me Hulk out, as you so kindly phrase it. It is, however, going to annoy me.   
Bruce  
   
   
Bruce,  
How do you know? Maybe one of these days I'll get lucky and you'll get electrocuted! Wow... that makes me sound like I want to kill you. Scratch that, I'm not going to do that anymore.   
Tony  
   
   
Tony,  
Making Clint shoot arrows at me and causing explosions on purpose are also life-threatening. Just thought I should tell you that before you tried them.   
Bruce  
   
   
Bruce,  
... buzz kill.   
Tony  
   
   
Tony,  
Well, I knew you'd try it eventually. Making me Hulk out endangers everyone in Manhattan! Rather than endanger thousands of lives by forcing me, why don't you just ask? We can take your jet out to the desert and you can babysit the other guy for a day. Sound good?  
Bruce  
   
   
Bruce,  
Tell me you're not joking! I would so love to do that!  
Tony  
   
   
Tony,  
It's your death wish. Any injuries he causes are not my fault and I refuse to feel guilty. He'll be your responisibility for a change, not mine.  
Bruce  
   
   
Bruce,  
Deal!  
Tony  
   
~~  
   
Coulson,

Nat warned me about your mood today, so I left you a surprise on your desk. :)

Clint

 

Clint,

I found it. Thank you.

Phil

 

Coulson,

What, not going to ask how I knew?

Clint

 

Clint,

You spy in the vents. I don't need to ask. 

Phil

 

Coulson,

Well, that's just... actually, you're not wrong. Anyways, just thought maybe it would cheer you up!

Clint

 

Clint, 

They aren't getting you out of paperwork. Report to my office at noon.

Phil

 

Coulson,

Damn it!

Clint

~~

Tony,

I don't know what you did with Hulk, but I haven't woken up so relaxed in a LONG time. Thank you.

Bruce

 

Bruce,

Yeah well. Hulk and I have a good time. We always have.

Tony

 

Tony,

He calls you Tin Man! I'm shocked he hasn't tried to squish you yet. That's what we do with tin cans, after all.

Bruce

 

Bruce,

Bit harsh, don't you think? The big guy actually likes me. Jealous?

Tony

 

Tony,

I'm not jealous. You'd know if I was. I'd be trying to smash myself. ;)

Bruce

 

Bruce,

Did you just...

Tony

 

Tony,

I did just. 

Bruce

~~

 

Steve,  
I noticed you've been cooking a lot more, recently. I had Jarvis order some things I thought you'd appreciate. Also, I grabbed a list of what he observed was everyone's favorites, and I thought you'd appreciate a list with everyone's birthdays. Mine is next, of course.  
Tony  
   
   
Tony,  
Thanks, I think. The kitchen equipment was appreciated, and I already knew the favorites and birthdays, but it's the thought that counts.   
Steve  
   
   
Steve,  
Well, put them to good use!  
Tony  
   
   
Tony,  
Is there something specific you wanted? A reason for the lists and gifts?  
Steve  
   
   
Steve,  
Me, have an ulterior motive? Ha, no. I just like your cooking better than take-out.  
Tony  
   
   
Tony,  
Well, thank you.   
Steve  
   
~~  
   
Coulson,  
Did you have to report me to Fury? Really?  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
You missed two days in a row because you don't like paperwork. I simply mentioned that you were sick, and he expressed his concern.  
Phil  
   
   
Coulson,  
If you knew why I was missing, why'd you tell Fury I was sick?!  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
Would you rather I  told him the truth? I can go do that now.  
Phil  
   
   
Coulson,  
Don't you dare! He'd skin me alive!  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
Then maybe you should come do your paperwork. Or at least come and watch me do it for you instead of making me do it alone. Company is appreciated.  
Phil  
   
   
Coulson,  
You hitting on me?  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
Depends. Do you want me to be?  
Phil  
   
   
Coulson,  
I've only been hitting on you for three years now. Sir.  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
Then what do you think?  
Phil  
   
~~  
   
Tony,  
I found the problem with the equations you gave me to work on. You're subtracting instead of dividing at the end there. You need to divide it to get the right results.  
Bruce  
   
   
Bruce,  
Great! Know what it's for?  
Tony  
   
   
Tony,  
I don't even try to guess anymore.  
Bruce  
   
   
Bruce,  
I'm making the Hulk a playground of things for him to smash! Just scrap metal and totaled cars and stuff like that. I  thought he might like that.  
Tony  
   
   
Tony,  
I think you like him better than me.  
Bruce  
   
   
Bruce,  
That's just ridiculous! I could never like him better than my science bro!   
Tony  
   
   
Tony,  
That's not a thing. We are not calling ourselves that just because Pepper did one time and you liked it.   
Bruce  
   
   
Bruce,  
You don't get a say, Science Bro.   
Tony  
   
   
Tony,  
I'm not calling you that. You can't make me.  
Bruce  
   
   
Bruce,  
You'll come around. Just wait and see.   
Tony  
   
~~  
   
Coulson,  
Did you catch that Thor is back? I'm telling you before I tell Fury. Or Nat.  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
You do understand that you're sitting right next to me?  
Phil  
   
   
Coulson,  
So? Typing is quieter, and you're doing paperwork and you requested quiet. So I'm typing. Anyways, back to Thor?  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
Fine. I didn't know that Thor was back. Thank you.  
Phil  
p.s. You can call me Phil, you know. I wouldn't sign it if you couldn't.  
   
   
Phil,  
Ooh, you actually gave me permission! Nat bet me that you never would. Then again, Nat is wrong a lot, and all of the bets we have going now are ones that I really want to win.  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
Like what?  
Phil  
   
   
Phil,  
Like whether Stark will ask out Banner or Rogers. I think Banner, but she thinks he'll ask Steve first. Of course, we both think that Steve would turn him down.  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
You have bets going about the other's lives?  
Phil  
   
   
Phil,  
You're surprised by that?  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
Good point. I shouldn't be. What about your own lives?  
Phil  
   
   
Phil,  
Of course we do. For example, I just won the one about Nat and Pepper getting together. They totally did last week! Stark doesn't know yet. Actually, nobody but us knows yet.  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
Dating you is going to be hard work, isn't it? Then again, I'll always know everything first.   
Phil  
   
   
Phil,  
Are you officially asking me out?  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
I'd do it out loud, but you have this idea that you're not allowed to talk. I'm not in the mood to contradict that.  
Phil  
   
   
Phil,  
You're not going to say the words?  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
Yes or no, Barton?  
Phil  
   
   
Phil,  
Yes!  
Clint  
   
~~

Tony,

The weird cookie cutter things were enough, don't you think? Time to stop with the gifts.

Steve

 

Steve,

But they make us all so happy when you make us new things!

Tony

 

Tony,

Who are you including in that? Bruce and I discussed it, and we think you just like my cooking too much. Which is fine, especially since you're eating now. But Jarvis stocked the kitchen with everything I need, and everything else is just MORE. 

Steve

 

Steve,

What?! You and Bruce have been talking about me?

Tony

 

Tony,

Well... yeah. We all live together, and you've been acting differently with both of us. We've been discussing it.

Steve

 

Tony,

You okay?

Steve

 

Tony,

You gonna answer me?

Steve

~~

Steve,

He's not answering me either. Jarvis says he's just been busy. 

Bruce

 

Bruce,

Yeah, that's what he'd told me in person yesterday morning. But how long can he stay too busy to reply? He's avoiding us. I just don't get why us talking would be making him so upset.

Steve

 

Steve,

I have a feeling it's that he didn't want us to notice that he was acting differently. Maybe he's trying to tell us something in these gestures, but it's subconscious. Or maybe he's just miffed that we talk about him period. 

Bruce

 

Bruce,

If he didn't want us to notice, why did he make it so blatantly obvious? I mean, he doesn't fund anyone else's hobbies. And he doesn't really work on anyone else's problems like he does with us. He spends full days with your alter ego! How were we not going to notice that?

Steve

 

Steve,

As I said, I think it might be subconscious. Like he doesn't even realize he's doing it. Well, now he does, because we pointed it out. And he does help with everyone else. He just doesn't put half as much time into it as he does with us. Just two weeks ago he gave Clint a new case of arrows that do different things. And last week, he upgraded Nat's room because she found a spider in it and flipped (which is odd, given her codename...). I've got Jarvis monitoring the things he buys, and he spends twice as much on us, but he still does things for the others too. 

Bruce

 

Bruce,

If you have Jarvis monitoring it, wouldn't Tony know?

Steve

 

Steve,

Do you really want to hear how Jarvis works? Because I can tell you, but you'll be infinitely bored.

Bruce

 

Bruce,

No, thanks. 

Steve

 

Steve,

But as to why Tony is avoiding us- because that's what he's doing- I don't know how long it will last. Hopefully he'll give up soon.

Bruce

 

Bruce,

I hope so. I actually miss him.

Steve

 

Steve,

Me too.

Bruce

~~

 

Bruce,

You can stop trying to get into the lab. My experiment is done, and my time is yours again. Also, I assume you didn't miss me too badly because there were no mishaps. 

Tony

 

Tony,

There were no mishaps because the other guy knew the only way to get to you was through me! He's furious with you!

Bruce

 

Bruce,

Why?

Tony

 

Tony,

Because you just shut us out like we don't even matter!

Bruce

 

Bruce,

Of course you matter! This whole experiment was for you and... you know what, it doesn't matter. Because this was the last variable, and now I'm done. I'm going to be gone for a week or two now. Don't freak out; I'll be fine.

Tony

 

Tony,

What was this experiment that was so important?!

Bruce

 

~~

 

Steve,

I made Jarvis tell me what experiment Tony was working on. Apparently, his reactor affects his heart worse than any of us knew. He can't do anything too exciting, or it could stop his heart. That includes sex and arguments. It's amazing he can battle with us at all, and I think it's to do with adrenaline. He was working on an injection to keep his heart going for the things he wants to do. When that seemed to fail, he started researching ways to safely remove the metal beside his heart. He wants to take out the reactor! But I don't know why, and Jarvis won't tell me.

Bruce

~~

Bruce,

For a scientist, you're pretty stupid. It's obvious what Stark is after.

Clint

 

Clint,

Care to share then? Because I can't figure out what he would want bad enough to risk his life for.

Bruce

 

Bruce,

Go look in a mirror. That's what he wants.

Clint

 

Clint,

A mirror?!

Bruce

 

Bruce,

You, you moron!

Clint

~~

Clint,

Nat wants me to tell you that interfering makes you lose the bet automatically. Whatever that means.

Phil

 

Phil,

I told Bruce what Tony wanted, that's all. Technically, I didn't interfere in the bet at all, because I didn't talk to Tony about what Tony wants. So you can tell her to kiss my ass, I'm still going to win.

Clint

 

Clint,

Or you could tell her and I could get back to my job. You know, that really important one?

Phil

 

~~

 

Bruce,

Tony has been gone for three weeks now. I'm getting concerned. Should I be?

Steve

 

Steve,

I really don't know. I'm not... yet. Give it another week and then I'll be going out to find him.

Bruce

 

Bruce,

You don't think he's removing the reactor, do you?

Steve

 

Steve,

I think we'll be finding out soon. Pepper just promised me he'll be back within a few days. Did you know she and Nat are together? Because I just found out in a kind of disturbing way.

Bruce

 

Bruce,

I thought that was okay now?

Steve

 

Steve, 

It is, and I'm by far not against it. I'm gay myself. I just saw more of both of them than I have ever wanted to in my life.

Bruce

 

Bruce,

I really don't know what to say to that. To any of that, actually.

Steve

 

Steve, 

You don't have to say anything.

Bruce

 

Bruce,

But I want to. Just... give me a bit to put it together in my head before I send it.

Steve

 

Steve,

Sure.

Bruce

~~

Nat,

New bet. Steve is so going to ask Bruce out!

Clint

 

Clint,

You're on. There's no way in hell that'll happen!

Nat

~~

 

Bruce,

Okay, I had time, and now I'm ready.

When I was serving in the war, Bucky and I used to talk about it a lot. He thought he was gay, and he wasn't sure. If he'd told anyone but me, he could have been thrown out of the army. Actually, since Bucky was questioning it, so was I. He and I kind of figured out together that we were. And over time we discovered that we were in love. We had to keep it a secret, because gay men couldn't be in the military at the time. It was hard, but we managed. The day Bucky died was the last time I ever kissed anyone. I hadn't even considered it until I moved into the tower here. 

I actually think the only truly straight person on the team is Thor, and there are days that I doubt even that. I'd say I felt bad for Fury, but I happen to know that he's happily married to a man himself. Don't tell him I told you. Even Tony is bisexual. His last partner, after Pepper, was his friend Rhodey. That didn't work out for them; I heard it from Rhodey. They're still friends, but they currently aren't really talking. 

So I don't have a problem with being gay, obviously. 

Steve

 

Steve, 

You said you didn't even consider kissing anyone else until you moved into the tower. Want to tell me who you've been considering?

Bruce

 

Bruce,

I was hoping you'd ignore that. If I tell you, it'll change literally everything. 

Steve

 

Steve,

Was it me?

Bruce

 

Bruce,

It was. You and Tony actually. But I'd never act on it.

Steve

 

Steve,

That's a shame, because I'd very much like it if you did.

Bruce

~~

Nat,

I totally won that bet!

Clint

 

Clint, 

No, you bet that Steve would ask Bruce out. That never happened. Nobody asked. Bruce just kind of went for it. So actually I won.

Nat

 

Nat,

Fine, new bet. Tony is going to be so pissed when he gets back! Doesn't matter which one he wanted, they're both taken now! By each other!

Clint

 

Clint,

I bet he joins them.

Nat

 

Nat,

You're so on!

Clint

~~

 

Bruce,

What's this Jarvis has been telling me? You and Cap got together?

Tony

 

Tony, 

When you disappear for a month, a lot of things happen without you knowing. Maybe next time you won't go for so long. We were both worried sick.

Bruce

 

Bruce,

You and Cap or you and Hulk? Because I gotta say, I don't think either of them would really miss me if I just vanished. I didn't think you would either.

Tony

 

Tony,

You have no idea, do you?!

Bruce

 

Bruce,

No idea of what? I have plenty of ideas!

Tony

 

~~

 

Steve,

Something needs to be done about Tony. He just doesn't seem to realize what's right in front of him. 

Bruce

 

Bruce,

Could it be that he doesn't want to see?

Steve

Steve,  
I don't think that's it. I think he just doesn't believe that we could like him the way we like each other.  
Bruce  
 

Bruce,  
Then maybe we can do something to prove it to him.  
Steve  
   
   
Steve,  
What are you suggesting?  
Bruce  
   
~~  
   
Phil,  
Nat is winning our latest bet, and I don't like it.  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
Did you ever bet about us? I mean besides the name thing.  
Phil  
   
   
Phil,  
Yeah. Nat bet me when you found out that I love you, you'd shoot at me. I totally won that one!  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
Why'd she think I'd shoot at you?  
Phil  
   
   
Phil,  
Because she didn't think you'd ever love one of us. Honestly, I was starting to agree with her. If you'd waited much longer to respond, I'd have been with Sitwell. He kept asking me out, and I kept saying no because I hoped you'd finally either catch on or respond. And you did.  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
Sitwell asked you out? And you said no?  
Phil  
   
   
Phil,  
Would you rather I'd said yes? Because the point there was that I was waiting for you.  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
No, I'm glad you waited for me. I just didn't know that Sitwell was bothering you like that. None of them were allowed to be doing that.  
Phil  
   
   
Phil,  
What are you talking about?  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
I may or may not have taken advantage of my position to ensure that none of the others would take you from me. I never meant for you to find out.  
Phil  
   
   
Phil,  
Aw. I'm not sure if that's cute or creepy.  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
It's possessive. Not cute, and definitely not creepy.  
Phil  
   
   
Phil,  
If you say so. Anyways. I've been intercepting all of the emails in the tower, and I've discovered that both Bruce and Steve like Tony, but Tony is too stubborn to see it. Also, Tony wants both of them but won't say anything now because they're together. So Nat is going to win, and it'll be the third one this week I've lost!  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
It would appear that you have a betting problem.  
Phil  
   
~~  
   
Clint,  
Nat told me to talk to you. She said you have something to say to me, and I'm a very busy man, so hurry it up.  
Tony  
   
   
Tony,  
I didn't tell Nat to tell you that, but I DO have something to say to you. You're an idiot for such a genius.  
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
Insults couldn't have waited?  
Tony  
   
   
Tony,  
No, because it could be too late. You need to open your eyes. You can have both the things you want, but you have to actually see it.   
Clint  
   
   
Clint,  
What I want isn't available at the moment. Neither of them are. Which you seem to know, so just leave it alone.  
Tony  
   
   
Tony,  
Have Jarvis show you what he's been showing me. Then you'll understand why you're being so stupid. The best things for you to do is to take what you want. Like you ALWAYS do with EVERYTHING else!  
Clint  
   
~~  
   
Jarvis,  
I want whatever you've given Clint.   
Tony  
~~  
   
Bruce & Steve,  
You've got a lot of talking to do. Also, I need to teach you how to lock things properly on Jarvis. Literally anyone can read your emails. Even Clint. Especially Clint, in case you're interested. Just so you know.  
Tony  
   
~~

Epilogue: How Bruce and Steve told Tony  
   
The penthouse was empty when they got there. Jarvis had told them that it would be, but sometimes Tony was unpredictable. Actually, Tony was always unpredictable. Steve immediately moved to the kitchen to make the dinner they'd discussed while Bruce went around and tidied everything up. They had an hour before Tony was due back, and they had Pepper's promise that he'd go straight upstairs instead of to his lab.  
An hour later, the table was set and bathed in candle light, and Bruce and Steve were sitting there waiting.   
"Sir is on his way up the elevator now, Doctor Banner, as you instructed."  
"Thank you, Jarvis," Bruce replied, smiling. Steve smiled back calmly, not worried at all. They both knew how this would play out, and they were both okay with it. More than okay with it.   
The private elevator opened and Tony sauntered out. He looked exhausted and depressed, exactly like every other day. The only difference was that now Bruce and Steve had witnessed him like this, which he immediately tried to correct. His entire posture and expression changed when he noticed them.  
"What are you two doing up here? I figured you'd be out by now," he called, moving quickly to the other room to deposit his briefcase on the desk.   
"We wanted to spend tonight with you," Steve replied, smiling at Tony when he reappeared.  
"And why would you do that?" he asked, confused.   
"Because we care about you just as much as we care about each other," Bruce informed him. "Which you already know, since Clint made you read our emails. I'm shocked you didn't confront us about it. Unless you're not interested?"   
"Course I'm interested. I didn't expect you to be serious about it. I thought it was like... like an odd fantasy or something. And sorry, but I'm not interested in playing out a fantasy, a one time thing," Tony snapped. But he sat down at the table and started picking at the plate Steve had laid out for him. That was a good sign.  
"It's not a one time thing, Tony. We're just as serious about this as you are. Which you'd realize, if you opened your eyes," Steve said gently.  
"So this is a dream then? Because that's the only other explanation that makes sense," Tony said quietly, not meeting their eyes. Bruce gave an exasperated huff.  
"It's not a dream. We want you. We freaking love you, Tony. Things don't always have to make sense!" he exclaimed. Steve was nodding in agreement.   
"But why? I'm not the best... anything," Tony protested. "You're both perfect, and I'm just... I'm not."  
"Tony, you are. It doesn't matter either way, because nothing is going to change the way we feel," Steve told him. Tony was fighting a smile, it was obvious.  
"You're really serious?" he asked. They both nodded. "I can really have you both?" They nodded again. "Then I have something to show you."  
Neither of them were surprised when he pulled his shirt up to reveal the scar where the reactor had once sat. They just smiled at him. 

   
   
**There will probably be a sequel. Originally, there wasn't going to be any epilogue. It was all just going to be emails. If there is a sequel, it will probably be in the same format as this one. Let me know what you think! It's my first Avengers fic EVER!!**


End file.
